What to Do When You Can’t Get Baby to Bed On Time
Overview
In today’s article we will be pulling back the curtain on what to do when something unexpected happens and suddenly you can’t get baby to bed on time – whether for a nap or nighttime sleep.
You will learn various actionable strategies for sleep on the go when necessary as well as how to get your child to bed quickly once you get home.
These are strategies we’ve used with our own 3 children, so I’m speaking from experience here.
It’s Not Just You
It’s happened to all of us. I promise. It’s not. Just. You!
We’ve all been in the situation where, despite our best efforts, our most carefully laid plans, something happens – a doctor’s appointment that can’t be rescheduled, a family outing where you lose track of time, running errands that take longer than expected, or whatever the case may be – and all of a sudden, you realize that your baby isn’t going to make it home in time for their nap or nighttime sleep.
You know by now, I’m sure, how important your child’s sleep space and routine are for helping them fall asleep and stay asleep independently.
We provide them with these staples out of love and respect for their need for routine, consistency, and the feeling of safety and security.
And now, your poor nugget is going to be up past their wake-window or have to go to bed late despite all your best efforts.
It. Happens.
We want to prevent it from happening regularly, of course. We created that structure and those sleep routines for a reason – because that’s how your child learned how to sleep independently.
And in the very beginning of sleep training, we want to prevent it completely for the first few weeks, even for the first 1-2 months when possible, because this is the time when our baby is trying to establish her new habits, her new sleep skills. And any disruption can make that significantly harder for her in the beginning.
You know how hard it is to establish a new habit, I’m sure. Waking up early, exercising regularly, cleaning the house, not opening email first thing at work. New habits are HARD.
So we make the environment around us as conducive to that new habit as possible. To make our success that much easier.
That’s exactly what we’ve done with our baby, our child when we chose to sleep train.
And at the same time – life happens.
So after those carefully constructed first few weeks, your routine is going to get thrown off. You’re going to be at a friend’s house and lose track of time. You’re going to get home late from work. You’re going to have to make the doctor appointment for right in the middle of the baby’s naptime because there are no other times available.
So let’s talk about what to do when the inevitable happens.
Solution #1 When You Can’t Get Baby to Bed On Time: Shift the Schedule
This first solution is for the times when you have forewarning that something unavoidable is going to interrupt baby’s sleep schedule.
This past December, we were invited to our friend’s wedding out in Colorado. We were very excited. This is Reese, my husband’s, best friend and his new wife whom we like very much. And Reese was asked to be a groomsman and our two eldest girls were asked to be flower girls.
The issue was – they needed the girls at the location ready for pictures at the time of their naps and afternoon rest period.
Now, some well-meaning family member might say “oh, they can skip their nap for one day!” – but you and I both know that if we try that, all hell will break loose.
And who’s going to have to deal with an overtired child who’s sobbing on the floor one minute and bouncing off the walls in her beautiful wedding attire the next? You. Not Aunt Pam. You.
What we did that day was shift their schedule.
They took an early, shortened nap. Did the eldest struggle to fall asleep at all? Yes. Was the youngest crying when she woke up because she was expecting to get to sleep for another hour? Also yes.
But in this situation, my hands were tied. It wasn’t my wedding. We couldn’t arrive late to this one because Reese and the girls were in the wedding. And we couldn't skip the nap because Emma’s seizures may be linked to when she’s overtired, let alone the other 2 would be bouncing off the walls and sobbing simultaneously halfway through the ceremony if they missed their naps.
We did what we could. And in the end, I think it was still the best decision for the situation.
And a great time was had by all.
So – if you know that an unavoidable event is going to happen at just the wrong time and disrupt your child’s sleep and you can shift the schedule – their naptime or even bedtime – by 30 minutes max for little littles – or 60 min max for big littles, try it.
AND at the same time, expect that your child’s sleep for the following 24-48 hours may be thrown off a little. They may have a harder time falling asleep, or have night wakings, or wake early the next day. Just anticipate it and be as consistent as possible with your sleep schedule and routine once you’re home again, and because of their new skills and sound sleep structure, they’ll get back on track in a day or two.
Solution #2 When You Can’t Get Baby to Bed On Time: Be Prepared
Planned Stroller Nap
So what about those instances where you have to have a nap on the go?
For example, a couple summers ago we wanted to take the girls to the zoo. But our youngest, Olivia, was still taking morning and afternoon naps. There wasn’t a way to just delay or move up one of her naps by 30 minutes and still leave enough time for our older girls to enjoy the zoo. We didn’t need to be there all day – neither the girls nor I would last all day. ;)
But we wanted the trip to be worth it.
So we planned for Olivia to take a nap in the stroller while we were walking around.
This is what I did: at the time of her morning nap, I quietly recited one of her pre-nap routine books, laid her back in the stroller, and covered it with a super light scarf – like so thin you could see through it which didn’t help as much with the light, but a) it was better than nothing, b) it still let a little air-flow through because it was summer time, and c) at least it obscured her surroundings so they weren’t as distracting.
Then we kept walking round the zoo.
Did she sleep? No. Was it the best I could do with what I had at the time? Yes.
If I could do it over again, I would have purchased a travel fan to hook onto the stroller for better air flow, purchased a travel white noise machine to use in the stroller, and taken her in the dark, air conditioned exhibit where they housed sea horses and the like for at least 30 minutes – to give her a better, more comfortable environment to fall asleep in. Even if that meant Reese had to take the big girls to different exhibits for that short time.
As it was, she was cranky and fell asleep on the way home. But – we did our best. And everyone still had a really special time.
(Note: I would NOT cover the carseat in the car while you’re driving - because then you can’t keep an eye on your child as you drive.)
Planned Pack’n’Play Nap or Away Crib Nap
Another time when we needed to do naps on the go was when we had prayer and fellowship group with other families from our church.
We meet every few weeks to pray the rosary, let the kids play, and give the kids – and moms – a snack.
And it’s a morning meeting, so it started right at Olivia’s nap time.
So, what I did was I brought my pack n play and Olivia’s sleep sack. My friend then offered to let me use her son’s crib – so we did that. And she already had room darkening shades and a box fan for white noise and air movement.
So, as soon as we got to my friend’s house, I set the big kids loose with the other kids, and took Olivia straight to the nursery. We popped her in her sleep sack, sat in the rocker and cuddled while I recited her naptime books. Then I placed her in the crib, and sat in the rocker until she settled – some kiddos you can leave and check at home may need your presence in a new sleep environment.
After I could tell she was settled, I left the room, stood by the door for a few minutes to make sure she didn’t start to panic, and then headed downstairs where my girlfriend showed me where the baby monitor was.
And I know that’s totally best-case-scenario. My friend already had most of the elements of Olivia’s sleep space ready when I arrived.
But you can bring the elements, too! You can bring a pack’n’play, a sleep sack, a white noise machine, travel room darkening shades or a mesh pack’n’play cover, and a travel fan.
Some kids do need us to stay in the room in a new, unfamiliar sleep environment. Some kids don’t.
And that’s okay too. Try not to resort to your child’s old sleep props – nursing or feeding to sleep, rocking to sleep, etc. if possible. Because this can be confusing for them. But if you do out of desperation, then get back on track as soon as you get home.
Solution #3 When You Can’t Get Baby to Bed On Time: Don’t Go or Go Late
Another option for those events that are going to happen at your child’s naptime or past their bedtime – you can choose not to go. Or in some instances, you can arrive late.
This is your family. You can make these decisions for yourself. And sometimes the decision – if you can’t find a babysitter – is not to go. Or simply to arrive late.
I remember once early in our marriage when we were late to a Christmas party because of Emma’s nap. My husband was really upset because being on time is extremely important to him – he feels it’s a sign of respect, (which I understand.)
I kept trying to remind him that it was just a party and they (the hosts - his aunt and uncle) would understand. But at the time he couldn’t see the benefit.
Five years later now and he still highly values being on-time. But he has also seen the importance of sometimes intentionally arriving late when our child’s sleep schedule can’t be shifted to the extent that arriving on time would require.
This past fall we had a family picnic we were going to, but it was scheduled to start exactly at the time when the girls went down for their nap and rest times.
Originally we planned to go up early to my mom and dad’s house so the girls could nap there – since Mom and Dad’s house was much closer to the picnic than our house – and arrive at the picnic late.
In the end, what we did was shift their schedule forward a smidge and try to nap them in the car – which kind of worked, kind of didn't – our younger two slept a bit but our eldest didn't. And we intentionally arrived late.
Give your friends or family or whomever you’re visiting a heads-up. And the vast majority of the time – especially if they themselves have kids – they will understand.
And if they don’t? Then as my mom would say – tough beans and hard lard for them. Your family, your decision. You can’t please everyone.
Solution #4 When You Can’t Get Baby to Bed On Time: Abbreviated Bedtime Routine
Alright, now finally, let’s talk about what to do when you can’t sleep your child while you’re out and you’re going to get home after they should already be down for a nap or in bed for the night.
Now, obviously, like we said before, we want to avoid this like the plague - but sometimes it happens.
What you’re going to do is this:
If you’re going to get home or to your destination after your child is already supposed to be in bed – and they can’t get in a full or even decent nap in the car before you get there –
A) Keep the baby awake if you’re going to get there within 30 minutes of when they should be in bed (if it’s going to take longer than 30 min, then let them snooze in the car.)
B) Be crazy. Be loud. Open the windows. Get the big kids involved. Sing. Grab a wet wipe for baby’s face if you’re not the one driving.
C) And try. Because you know – I know you do – that if your baby falls asleep in the last 10 minutes before you get home, there is a very real chance they wont fall asleep again for a long time – and they will STILL be exhausted. They just won’t fall asleep.
Late for Bedtime
Then, talk the big kids through the plan just before you arrive –
1) “First, shoes off, wash hands.
2) “Then, go potty and get out your pajamas.
3) “Then we’ll take a shower, brush our teeth, say a short prayer and hop in bed.”
And right as you’re pulling in, you say, “What are we doing first? (pause) Shoes off, wash hands.”
That usually helps.
Then, once you get there, it’s all systems go. Get the kids inside, shoes off, and pull out what you need – sleep sack, white noise machine, fan, and blackout shade for naps – same plus jammies, hairbrush and toothbrush for bedtime.
Once when we were visiting Reese’s family in Colorado, we arrived super late at his mom’s house. It was after 9:00 pm when we got there and the girls were usually in bed by 8:00 at that point.
Did my husband’s mom thing we were nuts-o for insisting on giving the girls a bath at that time? Yep.
But did we do it anyway? You bet we did.
We had been traveling for a while and all felt icky, and the girls were in an unfamiliar environment since we’re only able to make the trip to visit twice a year and they were too young to remember.
We did an abbreviated routine – gave them a 5 minute bath, helping them feel fresh and snug, and recited their bedtime books as we dressed them in their pjs and brushed their hair and tiny teeth.
And then we popped them right into their beds.
And we would do the same exact thing – and have, in fact done the same thing on a number of occasions over the years.
Late for a Nap
And what if you’re not late to bedtime, but late for a nap because something happens like running errands went long. The line at the grocery store took forever, or swim lessons ran long, or something like that. And you just won’t make it home before the baby’s supposed to be in bed for her nap.
The steps are basically the same –
1) Keep the baby awake
2) Let the big kids know what you’re going to do as soon as you get home
3) And then once you get home, do an abbreviated pre-nap routine and pop your nuggets in bed
Expect that your child may take a little longer to fall asleep and might sleep a little restlessly.
Depending on how late your baby is to bed, your baby’s sleep might be affected for the next several hours or even up to 24-48 hours.
Just anticipate it, keep to the routine, and your child’s sleep should recover quickly enough.
Summary
In this article, we talked about what to do when you unexpectedly can’t get the baby to bed on time.
1) Shift the Schedule
2) Be Prepared
3) Don’t Go or Go Late
4) Abbreviated Bedtime Routine
I’m Ashley Thompson, wife, mom, certified pediatric sleep consultant, and licensed speech language pathologist – and I can’t wait to see you next time.