Transcript: The Stress-Free Guide to Choosing a Sleep Training Method

Play Sleep Grow - The Podcast

Episode 8

INTRO

Opening

Does just the mention of sleep training cause you to break into a cold sweat? Like, where do I even start? There are SO many different methods and approaches, how am I ever supposed to choose?? How do I know which methods are evidence-based? Are all methods effective for all of babyhood?

If you think you may want to sleep train, but you’re not 100% sure – and you feel like “I have no idea where to even start!!” – this episode is for you.

Hey, girl,  

I’m Ashley Thompson – Catholic homeschooling mom, wife, and businesswoman, amateur gardener, aaaand Certified Pediatric Sleep Consultant.

In today’s episode, we are going to talk about where to start when it comes to planning how and when you’ll sleep train your nugget.

Free Sleep Schedule

Before we get started, I wanted to take a minute to share my joy – I just completed my favorite free resource I have ever created.

It’s a 1-minute quiz that generates a sample sleep schedule specifically for your child.

And yes, it’s 100% free.

Pause this episode and snag yours now – at www.playsleepgrow.com/sleep-schedule-quiz

That's playsleepgrow.com/sleep-schedule-quiz.

Let’s get started.

My Story 

Once upon a time I was pregnant with our first. I kept reading over and over again that insanely frustrating “advice” that said, “Sleep now! Because once your baby is born, you will never sleep again.”

Now, I have a complicated history with sleep. When I was in high school, I was obsessed with getting good grades. And I would regularly stay up until long after midnight – sometimes 1:00, 2:00, 3:00 AM to finish my homework to a level I was satisfied with.

It got to the point where I would get in trouble with my parents for staying up too late to finish my homework, and they ultimately wouldn’t allow me to take advance Calculus in a desperate attempt to lighten my load and get me to sleep. 

Then college came. Undergrad was relatively easy, but graduate school for Speech-Language Pathology brought back the sleepless nights.

After graduating with my master’s degree, I was finally able to sleep normal hours. And it was AMAZING.

And not only that, but I was no longer able to function as I once could on little sleep.

And now, one year later, I was being told that I wasn’t going to be able to sleep anymore because we’d been blessed with our first baby. 

And my thought was, “Hahaha. NO.” I would figure this out. There’s no way this is the only way.

So I began to research. I waded through the different sleep training methods, looking for one that was logical and evidence-based. 

Technically, CIO (Cry-It-Out) is evidence-based, but it didn’t fit my comfort level. And for all my therapist and healthcare provider friends, we know that optimal treatment not only requires evidence-base, but clinical experience and patient/family input as well.

So I kept researching.

And then I found the Sleep Sense Program, by Dana Obleman. It combined the Ferber Method with a Stay-in-the-Room method I hadn’t seen before with use of auditory and kinesthetic cues, with strategic feedback. All while allowing me to respond to my baby in a way that helped me feel confident that she knew mommy was still here for her.

My husband wasn’t initially on board, but after I translated my findings into language he could understand – he is an engineer – and he began to see progress in Emma’s sleep, he was hooked.

Your Story

Now that is my story.

Your story is different. And your family preferences may be different. So how do you find a method that’s a best fit for your child and family?

Keep listening - I’ll get you started.

Types of Sleep Training Methods

Sleep training methods are strategies that we use to structure our child’s sleep around their biological sleep patterns and needs, providing them with the environment, cues, and feedback to practice their new sleep skills and facilitate their learning as easily as possible.

Which sleep method you choose will depend primarily on 3 things:

1.     How old your child is.

2.     How quickly you want to make progress.

3.     Your comfort level around protest crying. (A quick note: protest crying is different from hunger, pain, illness, and discomfort crying.)

So I’ve separated these strategies that I’ve come across in my reading and research into strategies that are effective with newborns, with infants, and with toddlers and older children.

For Newborns

There are 2 common strategies that work in the newborn phase – and not after.

1.     The first is Drowsy-But-Awake. This tends to work for many babies in the newborn phase. After they hit the 4-month-regression, though, it stops working for most babies because they become increasingly aware of their environment. (To learn more about why this stops working after the 4-month regression, listen to Episode 6 – How to Know When the 4-Month Regression is OVER. I’ll link to it in the show notes.)

This method typically doesn’t include a lot of protest crying, and it doesn’t usually take a long time to implement. It doesn’t work for all babies, but it can be worth a shot.

2.     The second newborn sleep method is called The Pick-Up-Put-Down Method. This method is described in detail in Tracy Hogg’s book The Baby Whisperer.

This method tends to include a significant amount of protest-crying, but it does allow you to respond immediately. It may take a little while to be effective.

For Infants

Now, infants – older than the newborn phase.

1.     The first, and most well-known sleep training method is called CIO or Cry-It-Out, also known as the Extinction Method. This method is recommended in the book Healthy Sleep Habits, Happy Child by Dr. Marc Weissbluth. This is where you place your baby in their crib awake, and leave the room, allowing them to cry until they eventually fall asleep.

It typically involves quite a bit of protest-crying, but it tends to work relatively quickly and has decent research-backing.

Some parents are comfortable with this method, and others are not. And that’s okay!

2.     The other end of the spectrum is the No-Cry Method by Elizabeth Pantley. She suggests a method that is for anyone who is extremely uncomfortable with protest crying.

She does admit that it can take quite a while to be effective – on average about 3 months – and for some babies it’s simply not effective.

3.     And then, there is a middle-ground method is called the Ferber Method. This one is pretty well-known, and chances are you’re already familiar with it. This is also called “controlled crying,” because it does allow some protest crying, and you are able to respond and comfort in intervals that slowly grow in length.

This tends to work relatively quickly, but since it is primarily focused on how you respond to your baby when they cry, it is not always effective.

4.     The fourth method for infants is my personal favorite, and the one I use with my own children, as well as the children I am a sleep coach for – is the Sleep Sense Method. There are actually 2 primary methods used in this program – a Leave-and-Check Method and a Stay-in-the-Room Method. Which method you use is based on your child’s needs and your level of comfort.

What I found to be unique about these methods is that they also incorporate optimizing the sleep environment, and using specific cues and feedback to facilitate your child’s learning in addition to the use of the highly-effective sleep methods.

It has a hugely effective track record, especially when paired with the guidance of a trained Sleep Sense Consultant. Typically, with infants 4-18 months old, we see results in 2 weeks or less – sometimes it takes a little bit longer, but that’s pretty much the average, and naps settle in anywhere between 2-6 weeks. For toddlers and older children, nights tend to settle around 3-4 weeks in, and naps (for kids who still take naps,) tend to take a little longer.

For Toddlers and Older Children

And then there are toddlers and older children.

1.     At this point, the only method that I know to be effective for toddlers and older children – who have not been previously sleep trained - is the Sleep Sense Method, primarily the Stay-in-the-Room Method, (paired with the other strategies and feedback recommended in the program.) This tends to be most effective with the guidance of a trained Sleep Sense Consultant due to how established these sleep habits tend to be in toddlers and older children.

How to Know Which Method is Right for Your Family

Are you still asking yourself, “How do I know which one is best for my family??”

Ask yourself these questions:

1.     How old is my child – am I ready to start right now? Or do I want to wait until my child is a specific age?

2.     How quickly do I want to achieve results?

3.     How much protest crying am I comfortable with?

Go back and listen to which methods or which method aligns best with your answers.

And if you’re still confused or too overwhelmed or tired to figure it out – send me an email at ashley @ playsleepgrow.com or schedule a free 15-minute Sleep Evaluation at www.calendly.com/playsleepgrow.  

If your method is not the method I use for coaching or you don’t need help – that’s fine! I’m here to serve you!

And that’s it for today! I hope that was helpful in removing some of the overwhelm from your shoulders and dispelling some of the confusion around these sleep methods.

Don’t forget to hit subscribe and tune in next week for more!

Homework

Would you do me a favor? Would you please share this episode with one of your favorite mom friends?

As a mom, I know that our relationships with other moms are some of the greatest resources we have. Mom-to-mom relationships are unbelievably fruitful and can make literally all the difference in the world. 

And I would love the opportunity to be a little spark of peace in as many moms’ lives as possible.

I see you next week!

Speak soon.

OUTRO

LEGAL NOTE

Resources I Mentioned in This Episode:

1.     Episode 6 – How to Know When the 4-Month Regression is OVER

2.     The Baby Whisperer – by Tracy Hogg

3.     Healthy Sleep Habits, Happy Child – by Dr. Marc Weissbluth

4.     The No-Cry Sleep Solution – by Elizabeth Pantley

5.     Solve Your Child’s Sleep Problems – by Dr. Richard Ferber

6.     The Sleep Sense Method – by Dana Obleman

7.     Reserve Your Free 15-Minute Sleep Evaluation

Note: The links in the show notes may include affiliate links. If you use one of these links, I may receive compensation for your purchase, but it will not increase the cost of your purchase.

P.S.

I’m Ashley Thompson - mother of 3, wife, lover of Jesus, and Certified Infant Sleep Consultant.

I offer 1:1 infant sleep coaching to help growing families reclaim structure and peace through sleep training.

And don’t forget – if you didn’t snag your free sample sleep schedule before – go now to

www.playsleepgrow.com/sleep-schedule-quiz

Speak soon!

Transcript: 4 Simple Steps to Surviving the 4-Month Sleep Regression

Play Sleep Grow - The Podcast

Episode 7

INTRO

Opening

If you’re dreading the start of the 4-month sleep regression or – dun dun dun – you’re in the thick of it already – and you’re searching for the secret sauce on how to survive this season as easily as possible - this episode is for you.

You’re listening to the Play Sleep Grow Podcast – episode number seven – 4 Simple Steps to Surviving the 4-Month Sleep Regression.

Hey girl!

Welcome back to the Play Sleep Grow Podcast. I’m Ashley Thompson –Catholic homeschooling mom, wife and businesswoman, and Certified Pediatric Sleep Consultant.

In today’s episode we’re going to answer this hot question that I get asked a lot – HOW in the world do I survive the 4-month sleep regression?

Okay, so originally when I was thinking about today’s podcast topic, I heard my husband’s voice in my head saying, “Do you want to survive? Or do you want to thrive?” 

And I felt the same gut twist I always feel when he asks me this question.

Because here’s why: I feel like it’s a loaded question.

Do I want to thrive instead of survive? Yes, of course.

Do I want my community of moms that I adore to thrive instead of survive? Yes. 1000 times yes.  

But here’s the thing. Sometimes the first step is surviving. Before you can get to the thriving.  

Do you ever feel this way?

So let’s be gentle with ourselves today and focus first on surviving this 4-Month-Regression.

Free Sleep Schedule Generator

Before we get started, I wanted to take a minute to share my joy – I just completed my favorite free resource I have ever created.

It’s a 1-minute quiz that generates a sample sleep schedule specifically for your child.

And yes, it’s 100% free.

Pause this episode and snag yours now – at www.playsleepgrow.com/sleep-schedule-quiz 

That's www.playsleepgrow.com/sleep-schedule-quiz.

Alright, let’s dive in to this week’s episode.

The Why

I’m sure by now you’ve seen countless posts on Instagram and TikTok and Facebook, etc. about the 4-month sleep regression.  

If you’d like a little more background on what exactly the 4-month regression is and why it happens, check out episode number 6 – How to Know When the 4-Month Regression is OVER.

Today you’re going to learn strategies on how to survive this regression.  

As you know, your baby will experience a number of sleep regressions in the first couple years of life. And many people are beginning to refer to these hiccups in their children’s sleep as “progressions” – because the reason they happen is entirely due to progression in your child’s physical and mental growth and development. Sometimes regressions happen because baby is going through a physical growth spurt and requiring more feeds. Other times baby is learning a new skill – like crawling or standing.

The 4-month regression is unique because this is when your baby’s actual sleep structure is changing. And she’s probably learning to roll. And she’s becoming more aware of her surroundings. It’s a whole thing. ;)

These recommendations are based on what your baby is going through – the accelerated growth and mental development.

Will they work 100% of the time? No. But are they worth trying? Absolutely.

Because even if they don’t solve the entire problem, they will likely at least make it better, and they will absolutely help support healthy, consolidated sleep for your baby in the long-run.  

So without further ado, here are 4 Simple Steps to Surviving the 4-Month Sleep Regression

4 Simple Steps to Surviving the 4-Month Sleep Regression

1.     The first essential step is to optimize baby’s sleep environment.

If you’ve listened to episode 6, you know that one major cause of the 4-month regression is that baby is becoming much more aware of her surroundings. This absolutely includes awareness of her environment when she’s falling asleep and when she has brief awakenings.

To optimize her sleep environment, it needs to be

A.    Pitch-black dark

B.    On a flat sleep surface

C.     Between 68-70*F (20-21*C); make sure she’s not wearing too many layers, and also wearing enough – (clear as mud, right? I have a free guide that shows how many layers baby should wear based on each temperature; I’ll link it at the bottom of the show notes)

D.    And use white noise to drown out other sounds.

E.     And if she hasn't started rolling yet, swaddle. Even if she’s fought the swaddle in the past, as long as she’s not rolling, don’t give up on it. Trust me.

2.     The second step to surviving the 4-month regression: watch wake windows.

I know I know, this may sound like a no-brainer, but listen – wake windows are extremely time-sensitive. The difference between an optimal wake window and disastrous over- or under-tiredness at this stage can be as little as 15 min.

You heard me right. Fif.teen. Minutes.

And being in a transition period, baby might be in-between optimal wake-windows. And she may have wake windows that shift slightly as the day progresses – for example, some babies this age need shorter wake windows first thing in the morning, and their wake windows lengthen slightly throughout the day.

So put on your Sherlock Holmes cap and get detecting. And start putting baby down before his wake window is up.

3.     The fourth step is to make sure you’re offering full feeds. From the newborn period on, anytime you feed your baby milk – whether breast or formula – making sure your baby is taking a full feed will make it much more likely she is not struggling to fall asleep or stay asleep simply because she’s still hungry.

When breastfeeding, full feeds also ensure that baby gets both thirst-quenching foremilk and calorie-dense hind-milk. And full feeds also promote your milk production because emptying the breast is vital to supporting milk production.

>> Do keep in mind that if your baby suffers from reflux, your pediatrician may want you to provide smaller, more frequent feeds. If this is the case, then obviously listen to your pediatrician.

4.     The fourth step is to consider offering more feed opportunities during the day. As a time of major mental and physical development, there is a chance that baby will want to feed more. BUT! Make sure those extra feeds are offered during the day as much as possible to avoid them interfering with quality night sleep.

If you are using the Eat > Play > Sleep pattern in order to promote health sleep habits, you can always try an Eat > Play > Eat > Play > Sleep pattern. Or simply feed on demand as much as baby wants, and simply stop feeds 15-30 minutes before the next sleep period begins.

5.     And now I have a bonus step – and it’s not listed as one of the main steps because it has to do with rolling – which often happens around the same time as the 4-month regression but isn’t technically one of the causes of the regression. But it can absolutely negatively impact sleep.

When sleep regressions happen as a result of the physical milestones like rolling and crawling and standing and walking – the key is to give as MUCH opportunity as possible to allow baby to practice during wake-periods.
 

The Light at the End of the Tunnel

Development-wise, this 4-Month Sleep Regression lasts about 1-2 weeks. So if you’re still seeing negative impact on baby’s sleep 3, 4, 5 weeks later – it’s not the regression anymore. This is prime-time to begin sleep training (with pediatrician approval.)

Homework

Would you do me a favor? Would you please share this episode with one of your favorite mom friends?  

As a mom, I know that our relationships with other moms are some of the greatest resources we have. Mom-to-mom relationships are unbelievably fruitful and can make literally all the difference in the world.

And I would love the opportunity to be a little spark of peace in as many moms’ lives as possible.

I see you next week!

Speak soon.

Links Mentioned in This Episode

1.     Free Sample Sleep Schedule specific to your baby - www.playsleepgrow.com/sleep-schedule-quiz

2.     Free baby dressing guide based on temperature - www.playsleepgrow.com/free-resource-library-opt-in

P.S.

I’m Ashley Thompson - mother of 3, wife, lover of Jesus, and Certified Infant Sleep Consultant.

I offer 1:1 infant sleep coaching to help growing families reclaim structure and peace through sleep training.

And don’t forget – if you didn’t snag your free sample sleep schedule before – go now to

www.playsleepgrow.com/sleep-schedule-quiz

Speak soon!

LEGAL NOTE

Transcript: How to Know When the 4-Month Regression is OVER

Play Sleep Grow - The Podcast

Episode 6

INTRO

Opening

Hello, sister!!

It’s been a hot minute. A whole lot has happened for me ... and I’m betting it has for you, too.

Before we get started, I wanted to make sure I remembered to let you know about this AMAZING free resource I just finished. I’m seriously geeking out about it.

Do you HATE having to guess what your baby’s sleep schedule should look like? Especially when it seems to change every couple of weeks??

Girl, no MORE! I created a simple 1-minute quiz and at the end of it, you will receive a sample sleep schedule specifically for YOUR BABY sent directly to your inbox.

Seriously, pause this recording and go snag it NOW – www.playsleepgrow.com/sleep- schedule-quiz

That’s www.playsleepgrow.com/sleep-schedule-quiz Okay, now that you’re back:

Today we’re talking about the 4 Month Sleep Regression – also known as the 4-Month- Progression and 4-Month Leap.

You’re going to learn what all is happening, why it messes with your baby’s sleep, and how to know it’s over so you can begin sleep training.

Let’s start with a quick story.

Storytime

Our eldest daughter, Emma, was sleep trained at 3 months old. And ever since then she’s been a rockstar sleeper. Truly.

I remember the nights of reaching out to make sure Emma was still breathing. Not being able to sleep properly until we had the Owlet sock and Snuza Hero to monitor her breathing. We’d use one or the other, and on nights when I was badly anxious, we’d use both.

She was a beautiful sleeper, which was AMAZING. But I was still TERRIFIED of SIDS for the whole first 12 months. After the first 6 months, it got better, but I didn’t truly breathe until we hit the 12-month-mark.

And then: bliss. It was like my fear evaporated. We’d made it.

Fast-forward to the last few months.

She is now 5 years old, nearly 6.

About a month ago she was diagnosed with generalized seizure disorder.

They started as absence seizures - which is when she looks like she’s daydreaming, but you can’t snap her out of it. It lasts anywhere from like 2-20 seconds for us.

And then on May 2 she had her first generalized tonic clonic seizure. That’s the kind you see in the movies, where the person falls to the ground and their limbs become stiff and they shake.

It was terrifying.

And then the nights came. I was already monitoring her all day long.

And at nights, when you have generalized tonic clonic seizures, you have an increased risk of SUDEP – which is the sudden unexpected death of someone with epilepsy. In their sleep, no other cause of death is found, but, surprisingly, many are found on their stomachs.

So, I put off sleeping. And when I did sleep, I set an alarm for every couple of hours. I was beyond exhausted.

At first she slept on her travel cot in our bedroom, and eventually we shifted her to her sleeping bag.

AND I WAS SO FRUSTRATED.

I thought we were past the phase where I had to worry about my baby dying in her sleep. We had worked hard and made such amazing progress.

And now I was devastated.

I felt like, WTH happened, what did I do wrong, and will this ever end?

What Is the 4-Month Regression

The 4-Month Regression is kind of like that.

And let me tell you from the get-go – it’s nothing you did wrong.

I’ll tell you WTH happened:

Your sweet, clever baby has been growing in leaps and bounds from the moment she was conceived.

And when her brain reaches a specific level of development around the 3-4 month mark, her sleep structure transforms – shifting from 2 sleep stages to 4.

She used to have 2 stages: active sleep – in which she dreams – and quiet sleep – which is restorative.

And NOW, your clever baby has 4 sleeps stages, including 2 light sleep stages, 1 deep sleep stage, and REM, or Rapid Eye Movement sleep.

The first light stage is what the Sleep Foundation refers to as “the ‘dozing off’ stage”. The body hasn’t fully relaxed yet, and it’s really easy to wake someone from this stage ... including baby.

The second stage is deeper than the first, but it’s still light sleep. Which means, it’s also easy to wake your baby from this stage.

The third stage is deep sleep – this is when the body really gets to relax. This is the stage of sleep that important for restoration of energy, supporting your immune system, memory, problem solving and creativity.

The final stage is REM sleep – Rapid Eye Movement. This is dream-o-clock. This is the stage when your brain becomes more active – almost as active as when you’re awake. Because of this, your body temporarily paralyzes your large muscle groups – not eyes, or breathing, thank goodness, but you won’t be able to stand up and walk around. Which is good, because if you could, it could be very dangerous.

Increased Awareness

AS you can see, going from active and quiet sleep to 4 sleep stages – 2 of which are light sleep – no wonder your baby is waking more often, right?!

AND at the same time, her awareness is also majorly transforming – she is becoming much more aware of her surroundings.

This means that, when you are putting her to bed, if she is being rocked or nursed or fed or snuggled with, etc. while she’s falling asleep or even just becoming drowsy – THAT is the last thing she remembers before falling asleep.

So her brain begins to associate that action, that environment with falling asleep.

Effect of Sleep Associations

Now, when she is going through the sleep cycle, rotating through each of the sleep stages, and she comes to the end of the cycle – she will come to the surface of sleep – which is totally normal!! This happens to EVERYONE several times throughout the night.

But what we as adults do is briefly check our surroundings to make sure we’re okay and safe and nothing’s changed, and go back to sleep. So quickly that we don’t even remember it in the morning.

What your baby is doing is checking her surroundings, noticing that her environment has changed – you’re not rocking her, or she’s not feeding, etc. – and her brain is like, “Wait! But I need that to fall back asleep! Waa!”
So she alerts you with her cry b/c that’s how she gets your help.

Now, once her brain is through this 4-month leap in development, she should be able to fall asleep again independently. Is this true for 100% of babies? No.

But is it true the majority of the time? YES!!!

That’s why most sleep experts will say that after the 4-month-regression, you’re in the clear to sleep train.

How to Know When the 4-Month Regression is OVER

So how exactly do we know when the 4-month regression is over?? Alright, good-news, bad-news time.
Bad news: it’s not an exact science.

Basically, if you’ve noticed sleep disturbances – like it taking way longer for baby to fall asleep, naps are suddenly short, she’s started having false starts where she’ll seem to fall asleep, but wake suddenly as soon as you transfer her – and she hasn’t been doing these things before
>>> AND baby is noticeably much more aware of her surroundings
>>> AND it’s been going on for at least 1-2 weeks,
>>> AND baby is 3-4 months old

Chances are good that this is the 4-month-regression.

Can you be 100% positive? No. Not unless you wait for your full-term, otherwise healthy baby to reach 5 months or older.

But here’s the good news: if you sleep train too soon, (meaning around 4 months) and your baby hasn’t finished the 4-month leap – it’s not the end of the world. And she will most likely still greatly benefit from the sleep training.

>> Now this is important, at this 3-4 month mark, most babies will still need a feed or two in the night. Some babies need even more! You NEED to ask your baby’s pediatrician to see how many feeds they want you to keep.

Does this mean you can’t sleep train? Absolutely not. You can still sleep train and keep a couple of feeds in there. As long as the pediatrician okays it.

Review

Alright, so that’s the long and the short of it. Today you learned

1. What all is happening to cause the 4-month regression

2. Why it messes with your baby’s sleep

3. And how to know it’s over so you can start sleep training
   

P.S.

And PS – we’re making progress again on the sleep. By the grace of God and the genius of many many dedicated men and women, there are sleeping monitors that help to alert for tonic clonic seizures in the night. And we’ve also found a special mattress and pillow that are breathable in case she does end up on her stomach during or after a seizure. So while we’re not back to normal, we are all starting to get more and better sleep.

I am so, so grateful for at least some back up so that I don’t feel like I have to be in hyper-aware mode all the time.

When there’s a regression, it’s okay to feel frustrated. Take a beat, step back, and figure out what is going on and how to move forward. You will make progress again. You just have to figure out how.

I’m Ashley Thompson - mother of 3, wife, lover of Jesus, and Certified Infant Sleep Consultant.

I offer 1:1 infant sleep coaching to help growing families reclaim structure and peace through sleep training.

And don’t forget – if you didn’t snag your free sample sleep schedule before – go now to

www.playsleepgrow.com/sleep-schedule-quiz

Speak soon!

LEGAL NOTE